Denn die Liebe stirbt nie, sie verlässt uns niemals und sie verblasst nicht, solange wir an ihr festhalten. Denn Liebe kann unsterblich machen.0
Mich zu verlieren, wird schmerzen; es wird ein Schmerz sein, der ihr anfangs unwirklich vorkommen wird und wenn er dann real ist, wird er ihr den Atem nehmen.0
Mir kommt in den Sinn, dass sterben leicht ist - leben ist schwer.0
Sometimes you make choices in life, and sometimes choices make you.Entscheidungen0
How am I supposed to decide this? How can I possibly stay without mom and dad? How can I leave without Teddy? Or Adam? This is too much. I don’t even understand how it all works, why I’m here in the state that I’m in or how to get out of it if I wanted to. If I were to say, I want to wake up, would I wake up right now? I’ve already tried snapping my heels to find Teddy and tried to beam myself to Hawaii, and that didn’t work. This seems a whole lot more complicated.
But in spite of that, I believe it’s true. I hear the nurse’s words again. I am running the show. Everyone’s waiting on me.
I decide. I know this now.
And this terrifies me more than anything else that has happened today
All I can think about is how fucked up it would be for your life to end here, now. I mean I know that your life if fucked up no matter what now, forever. And I'm not dumb enough to think that I can undo that, that anyone can. But I can't wrap my mind around the notion of you not getting old, having kids, going to Juilliard, getting to play that cello in front of a huge audience, so that they can get the chills the way I do every time I see you pick up your bow, every time I see you smile at me.0
Freundin ist so ein doofes Wort. Ich wollte sie so nicht nennen. Deswegen mussten wir heiraten, damit ich sie 'Frau' nennen konnte.
Girlfriend is such a stupid word. I couldn't stand calling her that. So, we had to get married, so I could call her 'wife'Hochzeit/Ehe0
Adam is crying and somewhere inside of me I am crying, too, because I'm feeling things at last. I'm feeling not just the physical pain, but all that I have lost, and it is profound and catastrophic and will leave a crater in me that nothing will ever fill.0
It's okay,' he tells me. 'If you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I've ever wanted anything in my life.' His voice cracks with emotion. He stops, clears his throat, takes a breath, and continues. 'But that's what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It's okay if you have to leave us. It's okay if you want to stop fighting.'
For the first time since I realized that Teddy was gone, too, I feel something unclench. I feel myself breathe. I know that Gramps can't be that late-inning pinch hitter I'd hoped for. He won't unplug my breathing tube or overdoes me with morphine or anything like that. But this is the first time today that anyone has acknowledged what I have lost. I know that the social worker warned Gran and Gramps not to upset me, but Gramps's recognition, and the permission he just offered me--it feels like a gift.
Gramps doesn't leave me. He slumps back into the chair. It's quiet now. So quiet you can almost hear other people's dreams. So quiet that you can almost hear me tell Gramps, 'Thank you
If you stay, I'll do whatever you want. I'll quit the band, go with you to New York. But if you need me to go away, I'll do that, too. I was talking to Liz and she said maybe coming back to your old life would be too painful, that maybe it'd be easier for you to erase us. And that would suck, but I'd do it. I can lose you like that if I don't lose you today. I'll let you go. If you stay0
Loslassen. Jeder spricht davon, als wäre es die einfachste Sache der Welt. Lockere einfach einen Finger nach dem anderen, bis die Hand sich öffnet. Doch meine Hand habe ich jetzt schon seit drei Jahren zur Faust geballt, sie ist richtiggehend erstarrt.0
Die elektrischen Schwingungen in der Luft sind wie verändert, es ist fast so, als würde man die Ionen tanzen sehen.0
Dass wir ein Ding für die Ewigkeit daraus hätten machen können, wenn wir es nur beide gewollt hätten.0
Aufhören ist nicht schwer. Den Entschluss zu fassen, es zu tun, das ist schwer.0