"Lord. You blessed me with a lot: more money than I know what to do with, a beautiful home, and a surprisingly resilient liver. You have truly given unto me with both hands, which brings me to my request.
Of all the gifts yo've bestowed upon me, none are a greater testament to your glory than Chelsea's heavenly breasts. I don't know why you couldn't have thrown in a sturdy spine so she could tote those things around, but who am I to question your methods?
Anyway, you probably know that she's thinking about tampering with your great work, and I was just hoping that you could, you know that, talk to her, return her to the path of righteousness and bodaciousness. Amen."