Zitate und Sprüche aus Seinfeld

George: 'She calls me up at my office. She says, 'We have to talk.''
Jerry: 'Ugh. The four worst words in the English language.'
George: 'That or 'Whose bra is this?''
Jerry: 'That’s worse.'

Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.

Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?

I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off.

Women don’t respect salad eaters.

Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.

This woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her.

George: 'Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?'
Jerry: 'Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.'

Mr. Peterman: 'Elaine, can you keep a secret?'
Elaine: 'No sir, I can't.'

George: 'Man kann Wäsche auch über-trocknen.'
Jerry: 'Das ist Wäsche, keine Pflanze.'
George: 'Und was heißt das?'
Jerry: 'Pflanzen kann man zum Beispiel überdüngen. Aber wenn Wäsche mal nass ist, dann muss sie trocknen.'

George: 'You’re gonna over-dry your laundry.'
Jerry: 'You can’t over-dry.'
George: 'Why not?'
Jerry: 'Same reason you can’t over-wet.'

George: 'You’ve got to apologize.'
Jerry: 'Why?'
George: 'Because it’s the mature and adult thing to do.'
Jerry: 'How does that affect me?'

I’m not a lesbian. I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.

That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think 'That’s why I’m not a heterosexual.'